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Ask Brandi: I Feel Like I Haven’t Gotten Much Accomplished This Year!

December 16th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, Goals and Obstacles, Organization, Time Management

Dear Brandi,
As this year comes to a close, I can’t help but looking at the goals I set for myself last year and am realizing I am not going to achieve some things that I wanted to. This makes me feel very unmotivated and lethargic. Any advice?
Rachel

Hey Rachel!

Thanks for your question. First of all, big Kudos to you for actually setting goals for yourself! I can tell that you don’t realize what a great thing you have done by not only setting goals for yourself, but reviewing their progress. This calls for a celebration, so pat yourself on the back!

If you haven’t gotten as much accomplished as you would have liked, there are two things (or a combination of both) that could be wrong here.
1. You didn’t give yourself enough time to achieve the goal
2. You didn’t manage your time and plan well

I am betting you put too much on your plate. I am also betting you got much more accomplished than you are giving yourself credit for, but you are concentrating on what you DID NOT accomplish rather than what you DID accomplish. In the next couple of weeks there will be a complete E-zine on goals, but here are some of my favorite tips to get you started in the right direction for next year (let’s use losing weight as an example to keep things simple):

* When writing down your goals, have a base goal and a stretch goal. Make the base goal something easy that you know you will achieve and make your stretch goal much harder to attain. For instance, you may want to lose weight and you may want to make it to the gym everyday, but that’s probably a stretch. Set your base goal as going to the gym 3 times a week and your stretch goal as going 6 times a week. You are achieving your goal as long as you make it 3 times, and deserve a big pat on the back, and you can really celebrate if you happen to hit your stretch goal! If you set goals that are too rigid from the beginning, you will feel like a failure even if you really got a lot accomplished. By setting both base and stretch goals you are accomplishing goals at a comfortable pace while challenging yourself at the same time. Consider rewarding yourself with a manicure, massage, or scented candle when you hit a stretch goal for the month.

*Set mini-goals. If you are setting all your goals at the beginning of the year and expect to have them finished by December, you must create mini-tasks throughout the year. List all the steps it will take to achieve your goal and then assign deadlines for them throughout the year on a monthly or quarterly basis. This way you don’t forget about your goals until the end of the year. Say you want to lose 20 lbs this year. Set a goal of losing 1-2 lbs each month and check in with yourself to chart your progress monthly.

*When you accomplish a goal, no matter how small, put it on a separate list. Keep that list so that when and if you don’t reach a goal, you can refer to that list to see what all you have accomplished!


Good Luck!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Ask Brandi: HELP! It’s the Holidays and I Feel so Overwhelmed!

December 9th, 2009 by Administrator | 2 Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, Organization, Stress

Dear Brandi,

I feel so overwhelmed right now! I always get stressed out around Christmas, but wish I could enjoy it! I feel like I have so much to do: presents to buy, a house to clean, meals to cook, trips to plan, cards to send, and a business to run! Annual reports for my business are right around the corner and I don’t see how I have the time to get everything done! HELP!

Susan, Colorado

Hi Susan! You aren’t alone. The Holidays can definitely be a stressful and busy time of the year. Here are my suggestions for you:

1. Delegate.

If you have too much to do, then you simply have to delegate. Consider hiring a Virtual Assistant to help you with business tasks and mailing cards, and ask your spouse/kids for help at home. There comes a time in your business when you just simply can’t do everything at home and at your business all by yourself anymore, and if you don’t get help somewhere, you risk getting burned out. Could you hire a housekeeper or get your family to pitch in more? Could you order your Holiday meal from a restaurant or get everyone to bring a dish? Could you hire an errand runner to do your shopping? List the items that ONLY you could do, and then decide who else would be able to handle what’s left on your list.

2. Relax.

This is a great time to implement breathing, meditation, yoga, and affirmations into your schedule. Also give yourself at least 20 minutes a day to do something for yourself (take a bath, read a book, watch TV, etc.). This will help you feel less stressed when you are doing things for everyone else!

3. Make a list and check it twice.

List the business tasks that HAVE to be done by the end of the year. Work on them first and put everything else to the side if you need to. You can do less important things after the first of the year when things are a little less hectic!
Remember, even if the Holidays are stressful, they don’t last very long. They will be over with and you will be back to normal in a few short weeks!

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach

My Boyfriend Left Me for Someone He Met on Match.com and Now He Wants Me Back! What Should I Do?

July 21st, 2009 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Dear Brandi,
I have been in a three year relationship that ended abuptly for me. Not for him, he decided to move on back in March by getting on Match dot com. He met someone else and only then disclosed that he was not coming back to our relationship. His new (and yes, sexual relationship) has move too quickly for his taste. He now finds himself overwhelmed by her. He says he is still in love with me; if I wasn’t is the picture he says he would stay in the new relationship to see where it would go. He has finally decided to be honest with me. He has professed his love for me, while spending the 4th of July weekend with her and her friends. She is 59, I am 51, he is 62.
He came back from that trip with a whole new outlook on our relationship. He has spent the last two nights with me. Our sexual relationship has always been hot. It is even more passionate then ever. His plan is to form an exit strategy with the new girlfriend. . . or so he says. What do you suggest? I am totally in love with him and I have decided to never bring any of the bad times into our new found love for one another. Am I being a fool? L,
Thanks for your ASK BRANDI question.
It seems to me that he is in a confused place or either playing games. Either way you need to let him figure out what he wants before you get yourself involved. You love yourself too much to be in this situation. If he did make a mistake in leaving then he needs to dump the other woman and come back to you. And by dump, I don’t mean “form an exit” strategy. You and I both know that is taking the pansy way out of this situation. He needs to tell her that he doesn’t want to have any other communication with her and that he is getting back together with you. No sugar coating, no games, just honesty. If he isn’t willing to do that for you then you do not want him. A guy will climb mountains for a woman when he truly loves her, if he can’t even call if off with her and FAST you don’t need him. Find someone who deserves you. Quit having excess communication with him and cut off ALL sexual relations until he dumps her. You don’t want to be involved with him if he’s still “involved” with her, and I can assure you he is still dipping his toe into that pool if he hasn’t dumped her yet. So no more of this exit strategy BS! Lay it on the table and tell him what HE needs to do to be with you. You are both GROWN UPS. This sounds like the exact same letters I get from teenagers everyday, so stop the games.

If he dumps her totally (and I mean TOTALLY, no Emails, no phone calls, NADA), and you go back with him, then it’s great you don’t bring the past up. The only way you can totally be in a good new relationship with him is by completely forgiving his mistakes. My suggestion though is to tell him upfront that this is his last chance with you. If he does it again and you go back with him he will think he can get away with anything and will have no reason not to stray.

Best of Luck!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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Ask Brandi: Will Marriage Fix Our Relationship Problems?

May 23rd, 2009 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

I have received dozens of questions over the past week or so pertaining to the same problem, so I decided to address this issue in one blog instead of answering all the questions individually.

Several problems in particular dealt with women who were concerned because their men had been unfaithful and so they were either about to rush down the aisle or had done so already. They thought that the cheatig would stop because they “won” him once and for all. Low and behold the ones who had already gotten married were still plagued with the same troubles: their spouse had already cheated again or they were still fearful and suspicious that they would cheat.

Some problems dealt with things other than cheating such as: gambling addictions, alcoholism, drug addiction, or they thought for sure when they were married their mate would transform into anything else they wanted them to be.

Although the problems were different, they all had the same issue of assuming getting married would fix their problems. Marriage doesn’t fix problems. In fact, marriage brings the problems you have to the forefront of your lives because you are sharing everything together.

Whatever your relationship troubles are, don’t try and fix them by getting married. If you want to marry in spite of the flaws, then that’s fine, but don’t expect change. Women who marry their husbands knowing they have cheated on them for the majority of their relationship still seem shocked when they catch them running around.

You cannot expect your mate to transform into anything else other than what they already are on the day you say “I DO.” When you marry someone, marry them for who they are on that day. If you wouldn’t want to be living with this same person in twenty years then don’t get hitched. If they realize you are bothered by certain things they do (or don’t do), they are probably assuming that because you agreed to marriage you are looking past the flaws.

Make a list of everything you would like your spouse to be. Maybe you want him to be faithful, finish school, or give up poker. Compare the list with your current flame’s characteristics. How do they measure up? If your lists don’t match up, make a note of the areas that are off. Now picture yourself several years down the road and that problem still exists. How will you feel? If you decide you couldn’t live with the problem, then you shouldn’t marry until that problem is fixed. If you decide to marry in spite of the flaw, you must throw it out the window and forget it.

Brandi Hamrick

The “Queen B” Coach

www.brandihamrick.com

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ASK BRANDI: Plus Sized and Having Trouble Finding a Date

May 23rd, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Taya,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

Im a plus size woman and i have a hard time finding a date. I think im very beautiful and sexy, but i can’t seem to get any guys attention. I’m starting to feel discouraged in finding the right guy because of my weight. I carry myself with style and grace but it only seems like trashy women get all the dates. i’ve tried all kinds of dating sources. Can you please help me find a answer or at least a source of guidance.

It’s great that you are confident with yourself and think you are beautiful and sexy. I feel that there is someone out there for everyone and men like women in all different shapes and sizes. Some men prefer skinny, some prefer large, and some prefer women in between. There is no doubt that there are men out there who prefer you whatever size you may be.

It seems that you are confident, so I wouldn’t say a lack of self-esteem is your issue. I don’t like the fact though that you call women who get all the dates “trashy” and here’s why: Whatever negative words or thoughts that you think or say will come back around to you. Everyone is different and you have to respect other peoples’ preferences to be with who they choose. When we think negatively towards people that are different than us it just comes back around to reap negativity on ourselves.

Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? I would suggest reading a couple books such as The Secret that describes how the law of attraction works in our lives. Whatever we put out we get back. If you have developed a negative attitude towards women that are able to get dates then you are doing yourself a huge disservice. Instead, you should be learning from them and having only good feelings towards them.

Your thoughts are very powerful and it could be that men can detect you have negative feelings about that situation. This may be your road block on attracting a guy. Work on having only good thoughts about everyone. Have love and compassion for others and have the same attitude towards others as you do for yourself. We are all human, all different, and there isn’t anyone in the world who you can’t learn something from.

Also, it could be that you initially assumed you aren’t getting dates because of your weight and now that is keeping you from putting yourself out there. Have a positive attitude towards dating. Every day wake up and repeat these positive affirmations 3 times each “I have lots and lots of dates” “Men find me desirable and want to date me.” Also repeat them throughout the day and whenever you need extra motivation. Once you start believing that yourself you will be amazed at how your attitude will change. Everyone around you, including men, will take note.

Best of luck in love and life!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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Ask Brandi: We got Back Together, but I Have Second Thoughts…

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Kellie,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

I’m so lost right now, I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently and asked to talk to me about getting back together and starting over. I agreed to try and now I feel like it was a mistake, he has made me quit my job and stop hanging out with certain friends because he’s so jealous, and now he’s telling me he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me. Of course after I quit my job and did all this stuff for him. I feel like he’s just keeping me around so I won’t date anyone else. I know he loves me and cares about me but he hasn’t told me he’s loved me in over a year! I need help!
I am very sorry for your despair. Unfortunately love lessons are sometimes learned the hard way. First, know that no one else can control your life. You make the decisions and take the actions that affect your life. Healthy relationships do not usually involve controlling what jobs and friends you hang out with. Never let anyone decide these things for you. You control your destiny and you have to look after Kellie. You have a responsibility to yourself to have a job and to have friends and if someone doesn’t like that that’s their problem, not yours.

Starting today promise yourself that every decision you make from here on out will be good for Kellie. Sit down in a quiet room when you have plenty of time to think and write out answers to the following questions. When you think of answers think of only what Kellie wants, not what your boyfriend, your parents, your friends, or anyone else wants for you.

What does my ideal life look like?

What changes do I need to make now to achieve this life?

What will my life look like in 10 years if I don’t make those changes?

What will my life look like in 10 years if I do make those changes?

What are my passions?

What am I good at?

What does my ideal relationship look like?

What characteristics does my dream guy have?

How does my dream guy treat me?

How does my dream guy make me feel about myself (on a scale of 1-10 10 being super confident)?

How does the guy I am with now make me feel?

Would I be happier with my dream guy or with the guy I am with now?

Only you can decide if this guy is worth sticking around for. Don’t hold onto a relationship just because of the time and sacrifices you’ve made in the past. Hold onto a relationship because it is going somewhere in the future. If you have certain standards for yourself in relationships (you feel a guy should express love, commit, etc.) then don’t settle if someone doesn’t meet those standards.

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach

www.brandihamrick.com

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Ask Brandi: Am I too picky?

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, Uncategorized, dating

You wrote:

Dear Brandi,
I have this dilemma. I cannot find a boyfriend that I am compatible with. I’ve had my share of boyfriends but none that I could see myself being with. I try and work at the relationships but they never turn out because I always find something wrong with them that I just can’t stand. I don’t know if it’s me, or if I just can’t find anybody I could live with for the rest of my life. I really need help. Thanks for listening.
Chey

Chey,

Thanks for the question.

This doesn’t sound like a problem at all to me :)

What is your rush? You are 18 and have plenty of time to find Mr. Right! It’s not a bad thing to be picky. Dating is all about interviewing people for the position of your life long partner. We find out what we like and what we don’t like. Kudos to you for being selective and having some standards. I think in your teens and twenties you can never be too picky! This means you have self-worth and self-confidence. I was the same way as a teenager. I never went out or wasted time with people that I didn’t like 100%. When you are selective it definitely takes longer to find someone you are compatible with, but well worth the wait!

I am very proud that there are still some girls out there with some self-worth. You should see the Emails I get from 18 year olds who stay with abusive guys because they just have to have someone! I am sure you can look around your peers to find some of these situations.

I think the only thing you need to work on is enjoying your journey. Sometimes we get so ready to be some where we don’t enjoy ourselves enough along the way. Sit down with two sheets of paper. On one list all the things you’ve learned from your past experiences that you don’t want in a guy. On the other sheet write down things you have learned that you do want in a guy. These things can come from your direct experiences or from experiences you have observed other people having. You will easily see how much knowledge you have gained from your past. There are no negative experiences, only learning experiences. Sometimes life hands us what we need to learn and grow. Whenever you feel yourself getting frustrated repeat this positive affirmation to yourself, “What’s the rush? It’s all happening perfectly!”

Always put yourself first and don’t settle.

Keep up the good work!
Best of luck in life and love,
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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Ask Brandi: Friends With Benefits

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

You wrote:

Dear Brandi I have been with a guy for 6 months now, by with a guy I mean we’re friends with benefits. I want to be his girlfriend but he says it would be too weird if we broke up because our families are so close. I just think he can’t handle the responsibilities of a boyfriend and doesn’t want that kind of relatinship. But yesterday he said I don’t make him feel the same way anymore. Does he not love me anymore or is he getting it from somewhere else? Thanks for your help.

Thanks for your question. If you want to be someone’s girlfriend the worst thing you can do is be friends with benefits first. Have you ever heard the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Only be intimate with someone after being in a loving committed relationship with them for a while first. I suggest at least 6 months and even longer for teenagers. Take some time in a quiet place and write down everything you want from a relationship. Then write down when you’d be comfortable being intimate with someone (after being committed for 6months, a year, etc.). Decide on your own standards and stick to them.

Girls and guys are very different. The more girls are intimate with someone the more they fall in love, and guys need to be in love first to have something besides just a physical relationship. Sometimes girls tend to make the mistake of being intimate too soon because they think that is what the guy wants.

Do some soul-searching and set some boundaries for yourself and stick to them. If you and this guy aren’t in the same place right now you may want to find someone who is.

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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Ask Brandi: We have a long distance relationship, should we break up?

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Myat,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

Hi, I’m in college and my boyfriend is going to school in another school. We rarely get to see each other but we talk to each other everyday. Sometimes I feel that it is better to end our relationship so he can do whatever he wants and be happier and I feel like it would be better for him if he was dating someone closer to him. I don’t know what to do.

You said you feel you should break-up because it’d be better for him? What about what you want? Maybe you want to date someone closer too or not have the obligations of having a relationship at this time? Have you talked about this with your boyfriend? However you are feeling, it’s best to be honest with him because if you aren’t in the relationship 100% and he is then it isn’t fair for him and vice versa. Maybe it’s time to have a serious chat with each other and lay out on the table what you each want out of the relationship. Then you can go from there.

Much success in life and love!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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Ask Brandi: I’m tired of being the other woman, is it time to move on?

May 19th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Karly,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

I am in one of the most difficult situations of my life. I have been with this guy for 7 months now, but he has a girlfriend and they’ve been together for 10 months now. In the last couple of months it has gotten so much harder because i want to get out of this situation, I love him but i cant share him anymore. He loves me too, but he says he loves her and doesnt want to hurt her because they have been friends for six years prior to the relationship. He treats me as if i was his girlfriend, we spend a lot of time together and do everything together. I REALLY dont want to lose him because ive never felt this way about anyone before. should i wait, or should i go.? Please help me. thank you

You have to have standards for yourself. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and only you. You said yourself you want out of this relationship. If this guy can’t be with you and only you then he isn’t the right guy for you. I understand that your feelings for him are strong, but is it possible you have stronger feelings for him just because you want to “win” him over? Move on. Date other people. If he loved you as much as he says he does then he would not have put you in this situation. You deserve better!

Best of luck in life and love!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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