What to Do When You are Dreading Seeing Someone This Holiday Season

In recent discussions with clients, friends, and associates, I have noticed a common theme about the Holidays. While most people are excited to spend time with loved ones and catch up (especially during hard times when we are able to put the important things back into perspective), most people have at least 2 or 3 people that they are really dreading running into.

Sound familiar? Are you dreading seeing anyone this Holiday season? Are you stockpiling ammunition in the form of prepared explanations, justifications, and comebacks for judgmental family members? Maybe you are dreading what your grandma will have to say about your divorce, your cousin will say about your appearance, or your mom will have to say about the store-bought apple pie you are bringing for dessert.

Whatever your specific situation, we all have certain people that we’d rather not deal with at all or that we feel judge us. Here are some tips to deal with those situations without having to skip your get together:

“No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time and is oh-so true! Whenever you feel a need to justify or defend yourself, stop. You are the captain of the ship that is your life and you owe no one an explanation of decisions you have made for yourself. When someone starts criticizing you, remember that it stems from a problem they have within themselves and has nothing to do with you.

People in Glass Houses Shouldn’t Throw Stones
Do you have an overweight Aunt that makes comments about those who go back for seconds? Have a bankrupt cousin criticizing your career? Maybe you are engaged, and your thrice divorced future mother-in-law makes comments about the fact this isn’t your first marriage. Comments from people who have absolutely no room to talk about a certain area of life are especially annoying, so don’t listen to them. Easier said than done, but the fact is, no one is perfect. If we all swept off our own porches before criticizing how dirty others porches are, we would realize we have no room to talk. The problem is, most people don’t do that. Even if someone is successful in one area of life (let’s say marriage), they may not be successful in an area that you are (let’s say career).

The perpetual judge.
When you have a particular family member that criticizes you, it’s easier to deal with it when you only see them for a few hours once or twice a year. You can avoid one-on one conversations with them, have a trusted partner watching your back to change the subject when the conversation goes sour, or just deal with it knowing it will all be over soon. But, what about when it’s a close family member like a sibling or parent that you have to see on a regular basis? Let’s say that your sister is a stay-at-home mom and you work a full-time job. Both are great options, but you simply made different choices for your lives. She constantly criticizes you for not cooking and has a snarky comment when you bring a store-bought dessert. You can say with a smile, “sis, I don’t criticize you for not working, so don’t criticize me for not cooking.” Most of the time this will do the trick. In this situation it is probable that she is actually jealous of that fact you have a career and she doesn’t, so she feels she is inferior to you in that regard, and tries to make up for it in homemaking.

Remember to keep your head up this Holiday Season and don’t let the 1 or 2 people you dread seeing keep you from enjoying the time you have with loved ones.

And, if you are reading this thinking, “There is no one I dread seeing this Christmas,” consider yourself lucky

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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