Archive for July, 2009

7 Common Characteristics of People Who Are Lucky in Love!

July 21st, 2009 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in dating

I can’t help but notice those who ultimately have success in love (and usually life) share similar characteristics. Keep in mind that by success I don’t mean that they have necessarily had it easy. Success is getting up just one more time than you fall down, so in love you have to keep getting back on the horse if you fall off. The bad news is we don’t all naturally have these characteristics, but the good news is we can develop better habits. Developing the right mindset and attitude will make your search for your soul mate much more enjoyable!

Here are some characteristics shared by those who are lucky in love:

1. They assume responsibility for their love life.
Those who succeed in love realize they are in control of all aspects of their life, love life included. They don’t waste time and energy blaming someone else for their misery or playing the victim role. They admit they made poor choices in dating and don’t blame parents, past mates, and life in general for those mistakes. Then they learn from those mistakes and move on.

This can be frightening for s ome people, but it is actually quite empowering. No more excuses, you are the boss of your life and you have the ability to create the reality you want!

What is the main cause for where your love life is at? What could you have done differently? Were there people you should have passed on or people you should have gone out with that you didn’t? Were there relationships you should have gotten out of sooner?

2.They are optimistic.
They realize they may have to kiss a few frogs to get their prince, but at the end of the day they know their perfect mate will come. They also find a way to enjoy the journey while they wait.

3. They have self-confidence.
People who succeed in love have loads of self-esteem that prevents them from entering bad dating patters. They know they deserve someone who is perfect for them and don’t settle for less. If your confidence is lacking, a bad relationship will only make it worse and send you into a downward spiral. When a relationship doesn’t work out you need to take responsibility for your part, recognize the other person’s faults, learn, and move on. You shouldn’t go into self-defeating mode and start dating losers. If your confidence is at a good level you will be able to look at the situation logically and have a foundation to fall back on.

4. They Don’t Complain
Your thoughts and words have very powerful energy and can make or break your success. Don’t complain about exes or your dating life. Watch every thought and word for a month and see if you don’t start getting better results. Read my blog on this specific subject for more info.

5. They take action.
Successful people know to achieve what they want they need to do more than just talk. They put themselves out there and learn more. If they aren’t where they want to be yet they know it’s simply because there is something they haven’t done or tried yet. Then, they starting learning and doing. If you want to be in a different situation then you have to make some changes to your life. I get complaints from women all the time that they aren’t meeting the men they want. Then after questioning them I find out they haven’t tried any new strategies in years. If you want different fruits, you have to change the roots, so shake it up and think outside the box. Click here to read some great ways to meet men.

6. They don’t let their egos get in the way.
People who are successful in love don’t let their egos get in the way of having a great love life. If you are constantly afraid of rejection or embarrassed to get help you are likely to stay in the same place for a long time. Don’t be afraid to read dating advice articles and books, hire a matchmaker, or get help from a dating coach. Also don’t be embarrassed to tell people you meet that you want to settle down; one of the best ways to meet a great person is through mutual acquaintances. There is no shame in seeking help; there is only shame in staying stuck and not doing what it takes to get out of a rut!

7. They know when to walk.
Those who are most successful in love will often jump before the ship sinks. To some this may seem like giving up too soon, but it’s important to know when enough is enough. In dating there is obviously an amount of compromise and work involved to keep the relationship in a good place, but knowing when to bail is crucial. Don’t let past plans and dreams for the future cloud your judgment about a healthy relationship. The relationship needs to be working for you in the present and moving forward and if it’s not it could simply be time to move on. You can have new dreams and future plans with someone else who is on the same track as you. We all know that when one door closes at least one more opens, but if you are starting at the shut door you may not even see the open door across the hall. If you keep a relationship past its expiration date you could be missing out on the opportunity to get someone even more perfect for you!

To your success in life and love!

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: ,

5 Reasons You Aren’t In Love

July 21st, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Lifestyle, dating

If you are having trouble in your love life, join the club. There are tons out there in your exact same shoes. Not to worry! If you want to fall in love, but haven’t, there is simply something you are not doing or something you are doing incorrectly. Figure out where you are going wrong and fix it!

1. You are a complainer
Don’t complain about your love life, improve it. Use all that energy you are putting towards complaining to strategize and take action. We attract what we are, so if you do nothing but complain and get depressed about your love life, you will attract someone who is doing the exact same thing. Unless you want to be able to wallow in your sorrows with your mate (and I bet you don’t), stop complaining. If you aren’t where you want to be there is something you haven’t tried yet or haven’t learned. Be confident in the fact you will find your soul mate, and get into action!

2. You don’t have self-confidence
Self-confidence issues account for many of our problems in life and love is no different. If you are lacking in self-confidence not only are you likely to attract someone else who doesn’t have good self-esteem, but you may stay in relationships too long or for the wrong reasons. If you stay in a relationship past its expiration date, you won’t be available if someone better does come along and it can even worsen your self-confidence to stay with the wrong person. Having someone in your life doesn’t replace self-esteem; it only masks your confidence when the relationship is good. You need to build a good foundation of self-confidence so that you can make it through all the ups and downs and twists and turns of love. Read my tips on how to boost your self-confidence.

3. You are stuck in a dating rut.
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got. If you want change in your life you have to be willing to shake things up a bit. Step out of your comfort zone and try new things! There are tons of ways to meet new people, and I list many of my favorites in my new E-book. There are also some great ways listed on some of my other blog posts: Marketing Yourself, Meeting People

4. It’s always someone else’s fault.
The first step in getting the love life you want is taking control of it. This means accepting total responsibility for your life. Sure, you can’t help how someone treats you, but you can control whether you continuing seeing them. You have ultimately set the framework for your love life by dating certain people you shouldn’t have, staying with some people too long and passing on some who may have been a catch. Don’t blame past loves, parents, or anyone else for where you are. If you have truly experienced trauma that you can’t move past, see a therapist so that you can move on and have a fresh start. You owe it to yourself and your future spouse. If not, stop playing the victim and take responsibility.

5. You don’t want to be in love.
We have it drilled into our heads that we should have a significant other. Our parents go from trying to keep us locked inside the house to pushing us out of the nest and wanting grandkids in a few short years. Most people assume that everyone wants to be in a relationship, so it’s easy to detect sorrow and pity from family and friends if you aren’t. This can condition some to think they want to find someone when they really don’t. I believe this is the reason why some people are too picky. If you truly want to be in a relationship you tend to see the good in everyone. If every person you go out with gets on your nerves for some reason, but for every practical reason they are a “catch” this could be you. If it annoys you to have to take time away from other areas of your life to date then you may quite simply not want to have a relationship. Readdress what you really want and realize it’s okay if you don’t want a soul mate right now. It’s perfectly fine to be completely content in your life without a spouse. You can date casually and have friends. Just be sure you are dating because you want to find someone and not because you feel pressured from society or other people. Dating should be fun!

If the above describes you in any way, I suggest reading my article on the 7 Characteristics of People Who Are Lucky in Love to learn more about changing bad patterns.

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
http://www.brandihamrick.com/

Tags: , ,

Fact, or Fiction? One Good Way to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff!

July 21st, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Career, Lifestyle, dating

We all know we should worry less. It is so easy to start worrying about the outcome of situations in the future, but more times than not everything turns out fine. In fact, it is estimated that 90% of things we worry about NEVER even happen! That’s a lot of wasted time and energy that we could be putting towards our families, jobs, happiness, or just having fun and relaxing!

It is no secret that stress is one of the leading causes of health problems, so why do we do it to ourselves? Have you ever noticed that worrying is contagious? You start worrying about something at work then you start worrying about a friend and then before you know it you are worrying about everything and in a really depressing mood.

Quitting worrying altogether is easier said than done, so I like to ask myself a simple question. Is this something that is true? Worrying about things that “might” happen or “could” happen is a huge waste of time, so if it hasn’t ACTUALLY happened yet then quit worrying for now and you can stress over it later IF and WHEN it does come true (and chances are that will be never).

My mother worded this trick brilliantly the other day when my brother was worrying over a test that he hadn’t gotten the grade back for yet. She said, “FACT, or FICTION? Have you acutally gotten a poor grade on that test?” My brother said no and she told him to quit worrying about it until it is a FACT that the grade is poor because chances are he did better than he thinks. If it is FACT that he receives a bad grade, then he can put that energy towards deciding what he needs to do to pull his grades up.

Next time you catch yourself worrying then simply ask yourself, “Fact, or Fiction?” If it’s fiction then chances are there isn’t anything you could do to alter the outcome now anyway, so don’t stress. If it is Fact then spend a designated amount of time (maybe 10 minutes) of writing down solutions to your problem. Coming up with solutions will make you feel in control and give you a productive way to channel your energy. Then, have confidence in yourself and your ability to handle to situation, and forget about it!

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
http://www.brandihamrick.com/

Tags: ,

My Boyfriend Left Me for Someone He Met on Match.com and Now He Wants Me Back! What Should I Do?

July 21st, 2009 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Dear Brandi,
I have been in a three year relationship that ended abuptly for me. Not for him, he decided to move on back in March by getting on Match dot com. He met someone else and only then disclosed that he was not coming back to our relationship. His new (and yes, sexual relationship) has move too quickly for his taste. He now finds himself overwhelmed by her. He says he is still in love with me; if I wasn’t is the picture he says he would stay in the new relationship to see where it would go. He has finally decided to be honest with me. He has professed his love for me, while spending the 4th of July weekend with her and her friends. She is 59, I am 51, he is 62.
He came back from that trip with a whole new outlook on our relationship. He has spent the last two nights with me. Our sexual relationship has always been hot. It is even more passionate then ever. His plan is to form an exit strategy with the new girlfriend. . . or so he says. What do you suggest? I am totally in love with him and I have decided to never bring any of the bad times into our new found love for one another. Am I being a fool? L,
Thanks for your ASK BRANDI question.
It seems to me that he is in a confused place or either playing games. Either way you need to let him figure out what he wants before you get yourself involved. You love yourself too much to be in this situation. If he did make a mistake in leaving then he needs to dump the other woman and come back to you. And by dump, I don’t mean “form an exit” strategy. You and I both know that is taking the pansy way out of this situation. He needs to tell her that he doesn’t want to have any other communication with her and that he is getting back together with you. No sugar coating, no games, just honesty. If he isn’t willing to do that for you then you do not want him. A guy will climb mountains for a woman when he truly loves her, if he can’t even call if off with her and FAST you don’t need him. Find someone who deserves you. Quit having excess communication with him and cut off ALL sexual relations until he dumps her. You don’t want to be involved with him if he’s still “involved” with her, and I can assure you he is still dipping his toe into that pool if he hasn’t dumped her yet. So no more of this exit strategy BS! Lay it on the table and tell him what HE needs to do to be with you. You are both GROWN UPS. This sounds like the exact same letters I get from teenagers everyday, so stop the games.

If he dumps her totally (and I mean TOTALLY, no Emails, no phone calls, NADA), and you go back with him, then it’s great you don’t bring the past up. The only way you can totally be in a good new relationship with him is by completely forgiving his mistakes. My suggestion though is to tell him upfront that this is his last chance with you. If he does it again and you go back with him he will think he can get away with anything and will have no reason not to stray.

Best of Luck!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: , ,