Archive for May, 2009

« Older Entries

Stop Playing Hard to Get and Be Hard to Get!

May 24th, 2009 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in dating


Don’t Play Hard to Get…Be Hard to Get!

Recently a guy asked me why all the really great catches are so hard to get. Men are genuinely intrigued by women who are actually hard to get. There is something mysterious about her that leaves him wanting more. The gals who just “play” hard to get are easy to spot because their games have a systematic method to them that is a big turn off.

Back to those oh-so coveted women who are just hard to get. They have everything: great personalities, careers, style, fun-filled balanced lives, confidence, and numbers of men drooling over them. They don’t have to play hard to get, they are hard to get. Why? Because who they are as a person doesn’t depend on who they are dating, or if they are even dating at all. For the rest of this article we’ll call them Wonder Women.

Tips on How to be a Wonder Woman:

1. Have your own life-Keep friends and hobbies outside of your guy. Even when you start dating someone in particular, don’t let these things go. Wonder women aren’t always sitting by the phone waiting for their guy to call, they are out living life. Women who play hard to get will often purposely not answer the phone when guys call, women who are actually hard to get are just busy.

2. Make yourself a priority-Wonder women know they can’t be all they are to everyone else if they don’t look out for themselves. Stay on top of your health and happiness. Do things that you love. Eat well and exercise. Women who play hard to get practice all these healthy habits long enough to land a guy, women who are hard to get make them a priority and a lifestyle.

3. Go for your dreams-Don’t be embarrassed about what you want out of life. Wonder Women achieve things in life for themselves, not just for men. Have the confidence to go after your passions and dreams. Do what it takes to make your dreams a reality. Complete whatever training, schooling, or steps you need to achieve your goals.

Isn’t it easy now to see how women who are truly hard to get live balanced lives? They excel in many areas of life so they aren’t as concentrated on having to have a guy. They want a man who will add something to their lives; they don’t want a man because they need one. Wonder Women don’t swoon over every guy that pays them attention. They are very selective. Wonder women don’t have to “act” busy because they are actually busy out doing all the things that make them truly special.

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
http://www.brandihamrick.com/ Visit to ask me your questions

Tags: , ,

Ask Brandi: Will Marriage Fix Our Relationship Problems?

May 23rd, 2009 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

I have received dozens of questions over the past week or so pertaining to the same problem, so I decided to address this issue in one blog instead of answering all the questions individually.

Several problems in particular dealt with women who were concerned because their men had been unfaithful and so they were either about to rush down the aisle or had done so already. They thought that the cheatig would stop because they “won” him once and for all. Low and behold the ones who had already gotten married were still plagued with the same troubles: their spouse had already cheated again or they were still fearful and suspicious that they would cheat.

Some problems dealt with things other than cheating such as: gambling addictions, alcoholism, drug addiction, or they thought for sure when they were married their mate would transform into anything else they wanted them to be.

Although the problems were different, they all had the same issue of assuming getting married would fix their problems. Marriage doesn’t fix problems. In fact, marriage brings the problems you have to the forefront of your lives because you are sharing everything together.

Whatever your relationship troubles are, don’t try and fix them by getting married. If you want to marry in spite of the flaws, then that’s fine, but don’t expect change. Women who marry their husbands knowing they have cheated on them for the majority of their relationship still seem shocked when they catch them running around.

You cannot expect your mate to transform into anything else other than what they already are on the day you say “I DO.” When you marry someone, marry them for who they are on that day. If you wouldn’t want to be living with this same person in twenty years then don’t get hitched. If they realize you are bothered by certain things they do (or don’t do), they are probably assuming that because you agreed to marriage you are looking past the flaws.

Make a list of everything you would like your spouse to be. Maybe you want him to be faithful, finish school, or give up poker. Compare the list with your current flame’s characteristics. How do they measure up? If your lists don’t match up, make a note of the areas that are off. Now picture yourself several years down the road and that problem still exists. How will you feel? If you decide you couldn’t live with the problem, then you shouldn’t marry until that problem is fixed. If you decide to marry in spite of the flaw, you must throw it out the window and forget it.

Brandi Hamrick

The “Queen B” Coach

www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: ,

ASK BRANDI: Plus Sized and Having Trouble Finding a Date

May 23rd, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Taya,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

Im a plus size woman and i have a hard time finding a date. I think im very beautiful and sexy, but i can’t seem to get any guys attention. I’m starting to feel discouraged in finding the right guy because of my weight. I carry myself with style and grace but it only seems like trashy women get all the dates. i’ve tried all kinds of dating sources. Can you please help me find a answer or at least a source of guidance.

It’s great that you are confident with yourself and think you are beautiful and sexy. I feel that there is someone out there for everyone and men like women in all different shapes and sizes. Some men prefer skinny, some prefer large, and some prefer women in between. There is no doubt that there are men out there who prefer you whatever size you may be.

It seems that you are confident, so I wouldn’t say a lack of self-esteem is your issue. I don’t like the fact though that you call women who get all the dates “trashy” and here’s why: Whatever negative words or thoughts that you think or say will come back around to you. Everyone is different and you have to respect other peoples’ preferences to be with who they choose. When we think negatively towards people that are different than us it just comes back around to reap negativity on ourselves.

Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? I would suggest reading a couple books such as The Secret that describes how the law of attraction works in our lives. Whatever we put out we get back. If you have developed a negative attitude towards women that are able to get dates then you are doing yourself a huge disservice. Instead, you should be learning from them and having only good feelings towards them.

Your thoughts are very powerful and it could be that men can detect you have negative feelings about that situation. This may be your road block on attracting a guy. Work on having only good thoughts about everyone. Have love and compassion for others and have the same attitude towards others as you do for yourself. We are all human, all different, and there isn’t anyone in the world who you can’t learn something from.

Also, it could be that you initially assumed you aren’t getting dates because of your weight and now that is keeping you from putting yourself out there. Have a positive attitude towards dating. Every day wake up and repeat these positive affirmations 3 times each “I have lots and lots of dates” “Men find me desirable and want to date me.” Also repeat them throughout the day and whenever you need extra motivation. Once you start believing that yourself you will be amazed at how your attitude will change. Everyone around you, including men, will take note.

Best of luck in love and life!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags:

Ask Brandi: We got Back Together, but I Have Second Thoughts…

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Kellie,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

I’m so lost right now, I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently and asked to talk to me about getting back together and starting over. I agreed to try and now I feel like it was a mistake, he has made me quit my job and stop hanging out with certain friends because he’s so jealous, and now he’s telling me he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me. Of course after I quit my job and did all this stuff for him. I feel like he’s just keeping me around so I won’t date anyone else. I know he loves me and cares about me but he hasn’t told me he’s loved me in over a year! I need help!
I am very sorry for your despair. Unfortunately love lessons are sometimes learned the hard way. First, know that no one else can control your life. You make the decisions and take the actions that affect your life. Healthy relationships do not usually involve controlling what jobs and friends you hang out with. Never let anyone decide these things for you. You control your destiny and you have to look after Kellie. You have a responsibility to yourself to have a job and to have friends and if someone doesn’t like that that’s their problem, not yours.

Starting today promise yourself that every decision you make from here on out will be good for Kellie. Sit down in a quiet room when you have plenty of time to think and write out answers to the following questions. When you think of answers think of only what Kellie wants, not what your boyfriend, your parents, your friends, or anyone else wants for you.

What does my ideal life look like?

What changes do I need to make now to achieve this life?

What will my life look like in 10 years if I don’t make those changes?

What will my life look like in 10 years if I do make those changes?

What are my passions?

What am I good at?

What does my ideal relationship look like?

What characteristics does my dream guy have?

How does my dream guy treat me?

How does my dream guy make me feel about myself (on a scale of 1-10 10 being super confident)?

How does the guy I am with now make me feel?

Would I be happier with my dream guy or with the guy I am with now?

Only you can decide if this guy is worth sticking around for. Don’t hold onto a relationship just because of the time and sacrifices you’ve made in the past. Hold onto a relationship because it is going somewhere in the future. If you have certain standards for yourself in relationships (you feel a guy should express love, commit, etc.) then don’t settle if someone doesn’t meet those standards.

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach

www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: ,

Ask Brandi: I’m Catholic, He’s Muslim and His Family Doesn’t Accept Me!

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

M, New York writes:

I am in love. I have been dating a guy for 2 years and he is everything I look for in a guy. One problem: he is Muslim and I’m Catholic. Now to me & my family, this isn’t a problem at all, but a couple months ago he told me his parents have started telling him they want him to marry a Muslim girl and he doesn’t feel that he can go against these wishes. He told me he is so confused he doesn’t know what to do he doesn’t want to disrespect his entire family but he doesn’t want to lose me either. Of course hearing all of this I am very hurt and have no idea what to do either. Right now we have agreed to continue seeing each other and “take it day by day” but there’s always that “it’s not going to work out in the future” voice lurking in the back of my head. Do I continue to see him & hope one day he will stand up to them? Or do I just give up on the guy I thought could be “the one”?

Thank you for your question.

This is a problem that has been going on around the world in different cultures for thousands of years. Only you can ultimately make the decision if he is worth waiting around for. I can help your organize your thoughts to help make the decision.

First, know that there isn’t anything you should do or say to try and persuade him into standing up to his family. He needs to decide that is right for himself. You wouldn’t want to pressure him into doing anything that he may end up resenting you for in the future.

Next, you need to write out everything you want in a relationship. How would your dream guy’s parents feel about you? How would your dream guy handle this situation? Once you picture the characteristics of your ideal relationship you will be able to compare it to the relationship you are in now.

Next picture this relationship going forward. How will you feel 10 years down the road if his family still does not accept you? Is the relationship still worth it?

I wouldn’t advise ever entering into a marriage or more permanent relationship unless his parents either accept you or he stands up to them because then you will probably get hurt and left out of a lot of things. It would also be hard to have children in that situation.

You may want to give him some space and time to think and suggest a break. Sometimes a break from each other will either make you realize how much you mean to each other or make you realize you shouldn’t be together and that could make your decision a little easier. You may also have to eventually be honest with him and tell him you can’t be in a relationship if he doesn’t stand up to his parents.

Have confidence in yourself and in your decision whatever it may be. Know that you are a strong, confident woman and if a man doesn’t live up to your expectations of what your boyfriend should be you will simply have to find one who does!

Best of Life and Love,

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach

www.brandihamrick.com

Ask Brandi: Am I too picky?

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, Uncategorized, dating

You wrote:

Dear Brandi,
I have this dilemma. I cannot find a boyfriend that I am compatible with. I’ve had my share of boyfriends but none that I could see myself being with. I try and work at the relationships but they never turn out because I always find something wrong with them that I just can’t stand. I don’t know if it’s me, or if I just can’t find anybody I could live with for the rest of my life. I really need help. Thanks for listening.
Chey

Chey,

Thanks for the question.

This doesn’t sound like a problem at all to me :)

What is your rush? You are 18 and have plenty of time to find Mr. Right! It’s not a bad thing to be picky. Dating is all about interviewing people for the position of your life long partner. We find out what we like and what we don’t like. Kudos to you for being selective and having some standards. I think in your teens and twenties you can never be too picky! This means you have self-worth and self-confidence. I was the same way as a teenager. I never went out or wasted time with people that I didn’t like 100%. When you are selective it definitely takes longer to find someone you are compatible with, but well worth the wait!

I am very proud that there are still some girls out there with some self-worth. You should see the Emails I get from 18 year olds who stay with abusive guys because they just have to have someone! I am sure you can look around your peers to find some of these situations.

I think the only thing you need to work on is enjoying your journey. Sometimes we get so ready to be some where we don’t enjoy ourselves enough along the way. Sit down with two sheets of paper. On one list all the things you’ve learned from your past experiences that you don’t want in a guy. On the other sheet write down things you have learned that you do want in a guy. These things can come from your direct experiences or from experiences you have observed other people having. You will easily see how much knowledge you have gained from your past. There are no negative experiences, only learning experiences. Sometimes life hands us what we need to learn and grow. Whenever you feel yourself getting frustrated repeat this positive affirmation to yourself, “What’s the rush? It’s all happening perfectly!”

Always put yourself first and don’t settle.

Keep up the good work!
Best of luck in life and love,
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: , ,

Ask Brandi: Friends With Benefits

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

You wrote:

Dear Brandi I have been with a guy for 6 months now, by with a guy I mean we’re friends with benefits. I want to be his girlfriend but he says it would be too weird if we broke up because our families are so close. I just think he can’t handle the responsibilities of a boyfriend and doesn’t want that kind of relatinship. But yesterday he said I don’t make him feel the same way anymore. Does he not love me anymore or is he getting it from somewhere else? Thanks for your help.

Thanks for your question. If you want to be someone’s girlfriend the worst thing you can do is be friends with benefits first. Have you ever heard the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Only be intimate with someone after being in a loving committed relationship with them for a while first. I suggest at least 6 months and even longer for teenagers. Take some time in a quiet place and write down everything you want from a relationship. Then write down when you’d be comfortable being intimate with someone (after being committed for 6months, a year, etc.). Decide on your own standards and stick to them.

Girls and guys are very different. The more girls are intimate with someone the more they fall in love, and guys need to be in love first to have something besides just a physical relationship. Sometimes girls tend to make the mistake of being intimate too soon because they think that is what the guy wants.

Do some soul-searching and set some boundaries for yourself and stick to them. If you and this guy aren’t in the same place right now you may want to find someone who is.

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: , ,

Ask Brandi: We have a long distance relationship, should we break up?

May 20th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Myat,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

Hi, I’m in college and my boyfriend is going to school in another school. We rarely get to see each other but we talk to each other everyday. Sometimes I feel that it is better to end our relationship so he can do whatever he wants and be happier and I feel like it would be better for him if he was dating someone closer to him. I don’t know what to do.

You said you feel you should break-up because it’d be better for him? What about what you want? Maybe you want to date someone closer too or not have the obligations of having a relationship at this time? Have you talked about this with your boyfriend? However you are feeling, it’s best to be honest with him because if you aren’t in the relationship 100% and he is then it isn’t fair for him and vice versa. Maybe it’s time to have a serious chat with each other and lay out on the table what you each want out of the relationship. Then you can go from there.

Much success in life and love!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: ,

Ask Brandi: I’m tired of being the other woman, is it time to move on?

May 19th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Karly,

Thanks for your question. You wrote:

I am in one of the most difficult situations of my life. I have been with this guy for 7 months now, but he has a girlfriend and they’ve been together for 10 months now. In the last couple of months it has gotten so much harder because i want to get out of this situation, I love him but i cant share him anymore. He loves me too, but he says he loves her and doesnt want to hurt her because they have been friends for six years prior to the relationship. He treats me as if i was his girlfriend, we spend a lot of time together and do everything together. I REALLY dont want to lose him because ive never felt this way about anyone before. should i wait, or should i go.? Please help me. thank you

You have to have standards for yourself. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and only you. You said yourself you want out of this relationship. If this guy can’t be with you and only you then he isn’t the right guy for you. I understand that your feelings for him are strong, but is it possible you have stronger feelings for him just because you want to “win” him over? Move on. Date other people. If he loved you as much as he says he does then he would not have put you in this situation. You deserve better!

Best of luck in life and love!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: , ,

Ask Brandi: Am I in love or do I just LIKE him?

May 19th, 2009 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

Dear Brandi,

I have been dating a great guy for about a month now. I miss him when we are apart and like a lot of his qualities. I just don’t know if I love him though. I also am guarded because I have a fear of being cheated on from a previous relationship. I don’t know what to do. How do I explain my feelings to him? Thanks, Iva
Hello Iva,

I hope everything is well on your side of the world! Boy how lucky I am to get to meet so many interesting people from all over this great world!

Now let me get to your questions:

First of all, only you can decide if you like or love someone. I can, however, tell you that it’s okay if you don’t know at this point. You’ve only been dating for one month. Many people don’t actually fall in love for a year or longer. It is okay if you are unsure at this point. Love grows and has to be nurtured. This is the reason we date people, to see what our relationship grows into. You described many great qualities that you like about him and miss him when he’s away. I would definitely say that this relationship has potential for love, wouldn’t you? Enjoy the journey. You don’t have to figure out everything right now. Enjoy where this love is going and the experiences you have along the way!

As far as your fears of him straying: You must let go of all of your past experiences when you enter a new relationship. I know that it is hard, but it isn’t fair for this guy to pay for what some other jerk did to you. Go into your relationship whole-heartedly without fear. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Unfortunately sometimes we have to kiss a few frogs to get our prince. Cheating is just a fact of life that we all have to deal with at one point. Know that if it ever does happen again with this guy or any other guy you will simply have to move on. You seem like a strong, confident woman so have faith in yourself and know that you can handle whatever happens to you. If one guy doesn’t live up to your expectations you will move on and find one that does.

It’s okay to talk about your relationship along the way. Just don’t have the “where is this going?” conversation too often or the guy will feel pressured. When pressure is put on a relationship too soon it won’t blossom and grow naturally the way it should. The best way to tell someone your feelings is just to speak from your heart and be honest. Isn’t honesty the secret to all relationships?

Much success in life and love!
Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Tags: , , ,

« Older Entries