Archive for November, 2008

Getting over a Breakup!

November 23rd, 2008 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in dating

One of the hardest things to do in life is to get over an ex. You probably were anticipating spending the future together, and now you have to figure out what to do with yourself. Anyone who has read my past blogs or visited my website knows that I am a huge advocate of positive, rather than negative, thinking. I suggest thank lists, love lists, listing things that you like about someone else, and banishing negative thoughts from your mind. Read carefully; because, the one and only time I will ever give you the green light to be negative is when you are getting over your ex.

Grab a pen and a piece of paper and jot down everything that you couldn’t stand about your ex. Did he laugh too loudly? Did she talk too much? Did he call his mom 5 times a day? Well, write it all down. Put everything on paper that irritated you.

Can’t think of anything to write? Ask your friends and family members. Trust me; they will be able to open your eyes to all the negative things about your ex. When we are head-over-heals in love with someone, it is hard to notice all of the bad things about a person. We naturally focus on the positive things about people when we are in love. Trusted members of your family and friends are great tools to help you pinpoint the negative attributes of your former flame.

After you jot down everything negative about your ex, be proactive, and use your list to think of reasons you will be better off without them. If your ex didn’t like the way you acted in front of a crowd, you could start off by saying, “I will be better off without John Doe because I want a man who loves me for who I am.” You get the idea.

Next, use what you have come up with to create or update your list of requirements for your future mate. If you haven’t created this list before, you need to! As you learn from life and relationships, you can update your list. Write down everything you want in a future mate. You can use the negative things you wrote down earlier to figure out things you do and don’t want in a companion. Yep, you just turned your negative list into a positive one!

Now go out with your friends, give attention to yourself for a change, and concentrate on all of the great traits the person you are going to end up with will have.

See…you didn’t want that ex anyway!

Brandi Hamrick,
The “Queen B” Coach

www.brandihamrick.com

Ask Brandi: The Best Way to Reject Someone?

November 20th, 2008 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

I have had a few questions lately about the best way to either dump someone or politely say no to a first date. I think it all depends on the situation, so I have described a few below. If you have any rejection tips feel free to post them below 

If someone asks you out for the first time, and you don’t REALLY know them:
If you are out and about and a stranger asks you out that doesn’t really know you or anyone in your circle of friends, I say it’s ok to give a little white lie. I am not an advocate of lying, but if a guy seems really sweet but he’s just not your type I think it’s ok to stretch the truth just a little if you need to. You can tell him you have been talking to someone or that you are just focusing on school and/or work at this particular time. I’m not suggesting you should come up with an elaborate story but in this situation I don’t think there is any reason to completely blow the guy’s ego.

If someone asks you out on a date that is in your circle of friends:
If someone that you know asks you out you have to be really careful about how you say no. It may be tempting to just use a line from the paragraph above so you don’t hurt their feelings, but if you are on the market and looking then don’t. If you tell him that you aren’t dating right now then it may go around that you aren’t available. Then someone that you are interested in might be afraid to pursue you. Be as nice and honest as possible and just say that you feel like they are more of a friend.

Dumping someone you have been in a relationship with:
Once you are in a relationship it gets even harder to break up with someone the more time that passes. My suggestion is to break up as soon as you realize you want out. It doesn’t get any easier, it just gets harder. Once you have been in an exclusive relationship with someone the only choice you have is to sit the person down and be honest. Keep your integrity and do it in person. Explain all of your thoughts and feelings and be firm. Even if someone begs you to stay with him/her it is not going to change how you feel. Stand your ground. It will be better for you and them in the long run. They deserve someone that wants to be with them 100%.

No matter what your situation is, rejecting someone can be as hard as being rejected. When I was dating I hated rejecting people and breaking up. It is no fun to be shot down. So many times I see girls be mean to guys that ask them out. If a guy is completely respectful about asking you out, please keep in mind that it took a lot of courage and be nice. You don’t want to keep them from pursuing women in the future, so treat them the way you would want to be treated. Good Luck!

Brandi Hamrick,
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

P.S. Don’t forget to share your rejection tips below!

Ask Brandi answer:Dating 101: Be Picky!

November 19th, 2008 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Ask Brandi, dating

I receive questions through my website quite frequently, and though I can’t personally address each one, I would like to start answering some. I would like to post them on my blog in case other people might benefit or have the same questions.

A few days ago a young woman asked me this question: “I am 22 years old and can’t seem to find the right guy. It is not that they aren’t pursuing me, I am just picky. How will I know when the right guy comes around? Am I being to choosy?”

Answer:I think it is hard for a young woman of 22 to be “too choosy.” Young women have the world in front of them and can usually have their pick of guys if they don’t settle. I don’t see a problem with your pickiness. I think women who don’t fall for every single guy that gives them attention are brilliant.

Some people know instantly whether they will have chemistry with someone or not. I was one of these people. I could tell in the first few minutes of talking to a guy if he was going to be my type or not. If a guy wasn’t my type I didn’t waste time by saying yes to a date.

For other people it takes a little bit longer to know if they will like someone. This type of person needs to go out on dates to figure out what they want in a mate.

My advice would be not to feel like you have to date or be with anyone. If you have a clear picture in your head of what you want in a mate and can tell instantly that someone doesn’t fit the bill, then don’t go out with them. If you are unsure of what your type is then go out with a few people on casual dates (or just be friends with them), until you figure it out.

You can never be too careful or too picky at 22 years old. I see so many young girls who settle for losers just for the sake of not being alone. Imagine the mate that is destined to come your way if you wait patiently for him.

Brandi Hamrick,
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

Interview Tips for a Rocky Economy

November 18th, 2008 by Administrator | No Comments | Filed in Career

You can never underestimate the benefits of having an outstanding job interview, but in this economy it is crucial you are on top of your game. I spoke with a hiring manager just two weeks ago who said when she posts a new job she is flooded with twice as many resumes as normal. With those ratios it is not possible to even interview all of the qualified candidates. If you are blessed enough to have landed an interview in this economy, then use this opportunity to really set yourself apart from the other candidates.

Below I have listed a few of my favorite interview tips:

1. Be an actor.Even if you aren’t interviewing for a role on your favorite sitcom, you can still use your skills from drama class during your next interview. See, sometimes our ego gets in the way of what we want to do and say during an interview. Simply pretend that you are an actor playing yourself and it will be easier to say what you want to say. Never play someone else though (always be yourself), just play the best you that you can be. This trick will make you less nervous, and you will be able to project yourself in a way that you may otherwise be too self-conscious to.

2. Do you have any questions? Anyone who has been on an interview has probably heard this dreaded question when the interview comes to an end. It is smart to take a notebook with you filled with questions for your interviewer. Ask something, never say no. Brainstorm and come up with some quality questions (never ask about pay unless they bring it up). Chances are though that a good interviewer will have already asked any question you have come up with, so what should you ask?

My favorite question to come back with, especially for a sales position, is: “based on this interview is there any reason I wouldn’t get this position?” This is a bold question, I know, but be bold if you are interviewing for a sales position. This will show the interviewer that you will not be afraid to “seal the deal” when you are in the field on a sales call.

If you aren’t interviewing for a sales position then you may want to word the question a little differently: “after meeting with me today do you have any concerns as to why I may not be a good fit for this position?” Any way you word this question you are giving yourself a chance to address the interviewer’s concerns that you otherwise may never have been aware of. Be prepared because the interviewer will tell you their concerns, trust me. Whatever he/she says take the opportunity to spin it into a positive and make it a non-issue.

For instance, if an interviewer says that you don’t know the software that they use, then you could reiterate that you are a fast learner and then give an example of a situation in a past job that validates your statement. This is so great because interviewers almost always ask this question last, so the final thing that they hear from you is something positive that has eliminated their concerns about you. Re-word this question to make it yours and practice asking it so it flows naturally. Also write it down in your trusty notebook for reference during the interview.

3. Use technology. These days you can find out almost anything about a company online. Do your research and know as much as you can before your interview.

4. List the 5 most important things you want the interviewer to know about you. During an interview most people try to squeeze in dozens of good things about themselves. Interviewers cannot possibly remember all of this information. Prepare for an interview by listing the 5 most crucial things you want to get across during your interview. Under each topic write down examples and situations that support them. For instance, if one of your topics is organization then list examples proving you were organized in your last position. Keep your list in your notebook during your interview. Each time the interviewer asks you a question, pick which topic is best suited to that question. After that if you use the same topic again take it a step further by using one of your other examples. This reiteration of the same 5 things sticks in the interviewer’s mind. The chances that the interviewer will remember the most important things about you is greater using the repetition method than if you keep throwing out dozens of different characteristics.

Now for the classics that should never be overlooked:

1. Bring a few copies of your resume. Print several copies of your resume on linen resume paper so that the interviewer (and anyone else in the room) has a copy in front of them. Give them copies even if they don’t ask. For job seeking purposes, you are only as good as you look on paper. Get several people to proofread your resume and seek professional help if needed.

2. Dress appropriately. Guidelines vary somewhat depending on the city and industry you are in, but it never hurts to dress a notch above what is standard. A clean, crisp, black suit is always in fashion. Ladies remember: no open-toed shoes, and always wear nude panty hose if you are wearing a skirt (pack an extra pair in your purse for emergencies because runs are unacceptable). A simple black briefcase or bag will suffice, just make sure you don’t have a bulky purse or several bags; this can make you look sloppy.

3. Be organized. Always have at least 2 working pens and have your belongings placed neatly in your bag where you can find what you need instantly. Have a professional looking notebook that has notes of what you want to say. Also have your notebook out and make notes about what the interviewer is telling you during the interview.

4. Be on time, be on time, and be on time! Stake out the location of your interview the day before so you know where you are going. Allow yourself an extra 30 minutes to an hour to allow for traffic or unplanned events. If you are there an hour early then sit in your car, or grab a coffee nearby and read over your notes.

You can never be over-prepared for an interview, so do your research and get a friend to ask you mock questions. Reading a few books on the latest interview trends never hurts either. Remember you want to set yourself apart from the other candidates without “standing out like a sore thumb.” Good luck!

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

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The Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make

November 16th, 2008 by Administrator | 4 Comments | Filed in dating

I see tons and tons of mistakes that women make, but I have a few specific ones that seem to be common with our gender.

1. Being CLINGY

I don’t care if you are a dead ringer for Kristy Brinkley and have an outstanding personality; you aren’t getting anywhere with a guy if you are clingy. The fascinating thing about this is most women don’t even realize they are clingy. There are many ways to be clingy, but I’ve listed the most common below:

• Telephone-Your guy should be calling you at least twice as many times as you call him. If he is supposed to call you at 5 don’t pick up the phone at 5:02 when you haven’t heard from him. If this is completely out of character for him and you are afraid something may be wrong, you can call him in an hour. This rule is especially important in the beginning of a relationship. Let him be the one to call you and make plans. Don’t call him everyday, and always have a good reason to call him (don’t try to make one up- you will sound so very lame). Also be sure to hang up with him before the convo goes stale. Oh, and when he calls you let it go to voicemail once in a while!
• Personal Displays of Affection-Let holding hands and kisses come naturally when you are out in public. Some guys are not comfortable with this at all and will be turned off if you force PDA. At the beginning of the relationship always let him make the first move so you can scope out his level of comfort. As you get more involved, you may reach out for his hand first ONCE IN A WHILE.
• Dropping By-Never ever just drop by a guy’s place uninvited (even if you are really just in the neighborhood).

2. Always Saying Yes

At the start of a relationship, be sure not to seem too available. Keep up your other friendships and go out with your friends once in a while. Never cancel previously made plans to go out with a guy you like. Simply say, “I’m sorry, I already made plans that evening, can we do it another night?” Also have a deadline of when you will accept a date for the weekend. Mine was always Wednesday night. If a guy called me after Wednesday to make plans for the weekend, I always said no (even if I wanted to and had nothing else to do). Guys like to know that you have your own hobbies and life. They get very nervous when they think they are solely responsible for entertaining you all of the time.

3. Hopping into the Sack too Soon

Men love sex and they will undoubtedly try to get some from you, but that doesn’t mean they want you to say yes. Confusing, I know, but the type of women men want to settle down with are the type of women who are picky about being intimate. Everyone can think of a situation where they or someone they know has been dumped soon after starting a sexual relationship with a guy.

The reason waiting to have sex is so important is because you want your guy to be attached to you emotionally before you are intimate. Give yourselves plenty of time to get to know each other before you have sex. When the guy is head over heals for you before you make love it will only deepen and strengthen your relationship, not tear it apart.

It is also much easier for a woman to walk from a relationship if she has not been intimate with a man. If it doesn’t end up working out and you have never had sex, no problem, just move on. No emotional attachment, no strings attached, and no notches in your bedpost.

The “right time” is different for everyone, so do a little soul searching and figure out what is right for you. Figure out what guidelines are right for you before you enter a new relationship and stick to them no matter what. Let’s practice saying no together: “Do you want dessert?” “No.” “Do you want fries with that?” “No.” “Do you want to have sex with me tonight?” “No.” Good job.

I tend to be conservative about sex, but my general guidelines are listed below:

• Wait until you are married. These people tend to have the best marriages. If you have already had sex but wish you could go back then become a “born again virgin.” Just tell your future dates that you are mature now and realize the significance of sex. If they don’t respect your celibacy then you don’t need to be with them anyway, so move on.
• Never ever have sex before you are 20 years old. The teenage years are stressful enough without having to deal with the pressures of having sex. When you are finally 20 you may realize you want to wait until marriage. At least give yourself the option. Once you’re 20 if you still want to have sex, go ahead- if you have been in a loving, committed relationship for a year.
• Never have sex under any circumstance if you are not in love, the person is not in love with you, and both have not communicated this love and say “I love you” on a regular basis.
• Wait at least 6 months from the date you became and exclusive item (not from your first date) before taking the plunge at any age.

The best recommendation I have for all the topics above is to plan ahead. Your guidelines may be different than the ones I suggest, but no matter what they are set them in advance and stick to them. It is much easier to refuse a date for Saturday night when a guy calls you on Thursday if you have set guidelines. It is also much easier to decide in advance you don’t want to have sex than to wait until the heat of the moment. We all get excited sometimes in new relationships, and it is hard not to go overboard at times. Just stay true to the guidelines you set for yourself when you had a clear mind before Romeo came into your life!

Brandi Hamrick,
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

copyright 2008

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Fall in Love…with YOURSELF!

November 14th, 2008 by Administrator | 2 Comments | Filed in dating

We all can think of someone who cannot stand to be alone. They can’t go shopping alone, they can’t eat at a restaurant alone, and they certainly can’t be without a mate. Often times the explanation is simply because they do not truly love themselves. They do not know what to do on a Friday night ALONE because they do not enjoy spending time with themselves.

You have probably heard countless times that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. What loving yourself really boils down to is being happy with who you are.

Everyone benefits from being in the presence of positive people, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be around people you enjoy. However, if you cannot be content during the times you are by yourself it may indicate you are unhappy with you. How can anyone else enjoy your presence if you don’t enjoy your own presence?

If you rely on your significant other to bring you happiness then eventually this will catch up with you and damage your relationship. For a while you may feel happy in a new relationship, but it is just a front. Whenever the excitement dies down, or when your mate goes out of town (and you are alone once again on a Saturday night), the emptiness will come back. Often times when the newness of a relationship wears off and one person doesn’t love who they are, it is the reason the relationship sours. It is fine for your partner to add happiness to your life, but individually you need to be happy and love yourself with or without that person. Only YOU can bring yourself joy and only YOU can take joy away from yourself.

Many people think that they need to have a partner and that they need to get married and then they will never be lonely ever again. When you get married inevitably you are going to be away from your spouse from one time to another. Maybe one of you has business travel or works longer hours. If you are not happy with yourself then all of the emptiness will come back even though you are married.

If you are afraid that you do not currently love yourself enough, then try some of the following tips to fall in love with yourself BEFORE your next relationship.

Learn what you like
Take yourself out to a nice restaurant because YOU want to go there. Order exactly what YOU want. Go see a movie that YOU want to see. Join a class such as yoga, dance, pottery, or kickboxing because YOU have always wanted to. Concentrate on only what you want to do for a while and learn who you are. In relationships we tend to develop new interests because of our new partner. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but you need to have your own interests and hobbies to bring into the relationship.

Describe your perfect mate
Before you enter a relationship, (and without having any particular person in mind) make a list of all the characteristics you want your future mate to have. Be very specific on this list. Keep this list with you and reference it often when you get lonely. Realize that you will love yourself enough to only date people that fit your criteria. Of course you could have a partner if you settled for just anyone (anybody could), but you love yourself, so you are going to have only the highest standards for those you date. If someone comes along in a moment of weakness, and you are thinking about dating them (even though they don’t match your list), DON’T!

Get your life together
Do you have the job and education that you want? When you are alone and only thinking of yourself, it becomes clear what your goals in life are. It is acceptable to date while you are on this journey, but set priorities. You may have a rule that you won’t get married until you graduate college. Having a clear vision will help attract a mate that can help rather than hinder your plans. When you are tempted to date someone that doesn’t fit your list, throw yourself into your work and studies. Keep in mind you are working and studying hard so that you and your future family will live a better life. Set your own rules, be clear of what they are, and (of course) STICK TO THEM!

Love yourself for you…and your future spouse
The number one reason you are going to fall in love with yourself is to be a better, happier you. The second reason is because when you truly love yourself you are going to attract a mate who truly loves themselves as well. You love your future partner so much that you only want the best for them. You want to be able to love them and give them the world, and you will never be able to do that until you are in love with yourself!

Brandi Hamrick,
The “Queen B” Coach
www.brandihamrick.com

copyright 2008

About

November 11th, 2008 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in Uncategorized

Hi, my name is Brandi and welcome to my blog. I am a life and dating coach. Please visit my website at www.brandihamrick.com.

Remember that you have the power to create your own destiny!

TO ASK ME A QUESTION VISIT THE “ASK BRANDI” PAGE ON www.brandihamrick.com

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5 Seconds to a Better Life!

November 10th, 2008 by Administrator | 1 Comment | Filed in Lifestyle

5 Seconds to a Better Life!

The people I come in contact with that have the most abundant lives and are the happiest all have at least one thing in common: they are thankful. They are constantly in a spirit of thanks no matter what is going on in their lives.

Case-in-point: my mom. My mother is always thankful, and she constantly has good things happen to her. For example, when I was in middle school my mom was working at a doctor’s office and was laid-off from her job. When she came home that day she did not cry, take anger out on anyone, or drown her sorrows in a bottle. Instead, she stayed in a spirit of thankfulness and when she went to bed that night she gave thanks for the job she did not have. See, my mother could see past the fact that she did not have a job at that very moment. She was thankful for her family, her health, and her life. She was also thankful for the job she knew she would eventually get. She did indeed get another job. In fact, she got a job making twice as much and she only had to work a fraction of the time she did before.

The bad news is everyone is not born with a thankful attitude, but the good news is that with practice, thankfulness can be developed.

Here are 4 Tips to live a more thankful life:

1. In Just 5 Seconds

Start small by reminding yourself to stop and say thank you for just 5 seconds several times throughout the day. You can associate this with a task that you do routinely. For instance, every time you wash your hands also take 5 seconds to say thank you. Start each morning out by saying thank you.

2. Make a “thank sheet”

Sit down and write down everything you are thankful for. Think of at least 30 things. This may seem like a lot, but write down even the smallest of things. You may write down air, food, water, or other minute things that are taken for granted. Whenever negative things pop into your day and cause you to start getting sad or angry pull out this list. Keep this list on you at all times and read over it when you need to.

3. Overcome Obstacles

On another sheet of paper, write down the thing that is the biggest obstacle for you and drains the most of your energy. Think of at least 5 things you can be thankful for that come from this obstacle. Three examples are listed below:

Weight loss-Many people are unhappy with their bodies and want to lose weight. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a healthier and better you, but you can be thankful for the body you have in the meantime. If your obstacle is your weight then write down 5 things that you are thankful for about your body. For instance, you can be thankful for the arms that pick up and hug your kids, your hands that prepare food and take care of your family, and even your toenails.
Career and finances-If you are unhappy with your job and want to make more money, start by being thankful for the job and money you do have right now. Be thankful for the people you have met, the skills that you have learned, and the better job you will eventually be qualified for. If you currently do not have a job then be thankful for the job that you WILL have.
Relationships-If there is a relationship that is suffering or missing from your life, then give thanks for the good relationships in your life. List all the family, friends, and co workers you are thankful for. If you have endured a break-up then be thankful for what you have learned and how much you have grown.
The next time you find yourself worrying or thinking negatively about your obstacle, take out this sheet of paper and be thankful for the things that you have listed.

4. Re-train your brain

Often times we train ourselves not to be thankful because we concentrate so much on all the negative things in our lives. This causes a pattern of unconstructive thoughts because one bad thought leads to another, and then another, and so on. Then negative thoughts are spiraling out of control. Put more time and energy into thinking about positive thoughts and being thankful.

Learn to be aware of the thoughts in your head. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are thinking negative thoughts until we are sad and depressed. Periodically throughout the day ask yourself what you have been thinking of and whenever a negative thought comes to mind simply give thanks.

*Implement these tips into your life for the next two weeks. At first they may seem like a chore, but eventually thankfulness will come natural to you. You can watch as you slip into a constant spirit of thankfulness and start reaping all the rewards of having an attitude of gratitude.

Brandi Hamrick
The “Queen B” Coach

www.brandihamrick.com